I’m still traveling and headed home this morning. I’m looking forward to being home. I feel like I’m centered and focused this morning but it quickly turned into another wrestling match as I settle in to spend time with God this morning. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Good morning, Lord. Thank you for allowing me to spend time with you this morning. Please open my eyes to see what you need me to see. Please open my ears to hear your message. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
~ I settle in nicely and we greet each other. I take deep breath and use my focus word “Peace” to get started. I start out by sitting up straight in my chair and I feel like I’m sitting across the desk from my boss. I guess I kind of am, aren’t I? I shift in my chair and put my elbows on my knees and my palms face upwards. (before you ask… I don’t usually pray on my knees. Should I? Maybe… but I wasn’t today)
God: Are you comfortable?
God: I think you’re too comfortable.
Me: Awh come on. (the wrestling starts). I am stretching myself a lot with sharing our conversations.
~my mind begins to wander to events of yesterday. I force myself to come back to the conversation. That lasted all of a minute before my brain shows me images far too inappropriate for this conversation. I slap my forehead and say “STOP” out loud. Yikes, where did that come from. I use my original prayer again and settle back in~
God: Welcome back. My goodness, child. You started off so good this morning. Let’s try this again…. Why don’t you want to accept my message again today? You do recognize you’re pretty comfy, right?
God: Here’s what I’m saying…. That’s got to change. I need you to expand and press the limits of your comfort zone. This comfort zone you’re in is a false sense of security. I need you to do more.
Me: But I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m already doing alot right now.
God: You are doing great and for that I’m pleased. However, there’s more.
~ I shift in my chair and put my feet up on the desk. Act of defiance? probably~
God: What I’m asking isn’t painful. I’m asking you to stretch yourself.
Me: I feel like we just talked about this a few days ago.
God: Yes we did. What have you done with that?
Me: uh… I get up early and read and spend time with you and I write. I try to share this with as many as I can.
God: and what else?
Me: I don’t know what you want.
~I tilt my head back and my chair with a sigh of exasperation and I hit my head on the wall behind me. OUCH!~
Me: Are we wrestling again today?
God: Seems like it.
~I shift in my chair again and put my head in my hands and take a deep breath. ~
Me: Lord, what would you have me do today?
God: Be yourself. Love my people. This isn’t that hard. I need you to be prepared.
Me: Prepared for what?
God: You’re not supposed to know that yet.
Me: Then I don’t understand it today.
God: Maybe this isn’t for you today. It will be but not for you today. You get agitated when you don’t like my message. Be centered and calm and just be ready. Know that I am with you. Now go write and tell my people.
Me: Got it. Ok. I’m ready.
~ I end with the Lord’s Prayer and take a deep breath.~
Are you exhausted after reading this? I know I am. I went from super comfortable to not quite so comfortable in a flash. I like to plan things. I like practical things I can do. So this gets really hard for me sometimes. I guess the bottom line is to be myself and not get lulled into a false sense of security. The worldly half of my brain says.. .what’s wrong with being comfortable? This will rattle around in my brain most of the day today.
I’d welcome your thoughts on this. Maybe you can help me make more sense of it.
I hope you have a fantastic day! Make Today Count!